This past year has brought about some big changes for our family. Most notably, we lost my mother-in-law Joanna very unexpectedly on Christmas Eve. As I try to process her passing, I feel compelled to start blogging again. I have always expressed myself best in writing, and Joanna always loved the things that I wrote. One of her dreams for me was that I write a book. I am not sure I can rise to that level just yet, but this blog is a great starting block, a place where I can dust off my rusty writing skills and possibly stumble upon a book idea or two. I also desperately need this creative outlet as I journey through life as a wife, as a mom of 5, and as a homemaker. Most importantly, I want this blog to live up to its name as I--through the strength of the Lord--attempt to cultivate a holy atmosphere in every area of my life.
And, so, I'm back in the blogosphere, and I want to dedicate this blog to my mother-in-law Joanna with a piece I wrote about her. I wanted to read it at her funeral, but I just couldn't muster the courage. These words have laid heavily upon my heart since her passing, and I finally found a moment to share them.
I often joke with Richard that I married him for his family. Although a joke, there is truth in my jest. I have always believed that when you marry someone, you marry their family. To say that I was intimidated to join such a large, tightknit family is an understatement. An only child myself with a relatively small extended family, I found myself falling in love with the youngest of seven children, and I worried that I would not know how to find a place within the dynamics of a large family.
Then, I met Joanna. The first time I met her was just a brief hello in the parking lot of her workplace when Richard and I were on a drive through the town in which she worked. Her smile and warm greeting instantly made me feel at ease. I could tell Richard got his personable vibe and his bright grin from his mother. Of course, the insecure part of me had me asking Richard if he thought she liked me, and he assured me she did. I can now say that I think she liked me better than Richard sometimes (and, I know he agrees).
The more time we spent together, the more we bonded over shared aspects of our pasts, over similarities in our personalities, and over the trials and triumphs of raising lots of little children. While we didn't see eye to eye on everything, we had a mutual respect and love for each other. Joanna accepted me as I was, and I didn't have to pretend around her. I didn't have to measure up to any lofty expectations. I didn't have to impress her. Despite my failings, I was always good enough for her. As someone who has struggled with insecurities her whole life, I cannot express how comforting it was to have someone so unconditionally loving in my life.
While many women struggle with their mother in laws, I loved to be around mine. She helped me through some very dark times. She could commiserate as I recounted my struggles as a wife and mother. She made me laugh. Many times, we laughed about her quirks, and she always took the jokes at her expense with such grace. But, as I reflect these things now, I realize that there was a deeper purpose to her "Joanna-isms." For example, we poked fun at how she hoarded things like empty Cool Whip containers or furniture or electronic cords. While excessive on the surface, this overabundance served a greater purpose. It was her way of always being prepared to help when someone found themselves in need. Sending someone a meal? Put it in a Cool Whip container so you don't have to worry about getting back your dish. Have kids that need more chairs at their kitchen table? Go grab some from the garage. Kids broke your phone charger...again? Time to call Joanna. She was always ready to help in her own special way, and Joanna always had the interests of other in mind and she stowed things away for a rainy day.
Anyone I meet who knows a Sterk kid always talks about Joanna, about her warm and inviting home, about how she treated them like one of her own children. I have experienced this first hand. Joanna never treated me like an in-law. She loved on me and supported me just like she loved on and supported her kids. While I cannot even begin to fathom the pain my husband and his sibling have endured, I can say that I feel the void of her absence in a very real way. I have lost one of my greatest motherhood mentors--one of the few people who understood life as a young mom to a large family, and one of the few people who understood the joys and pains of living with Richard (please, honey, just pick up your socks!). I miss seeing her in the kitchen, scurrying about as she always did when we visited her house. I miss greeting her when I walk in her house. I miss enjoying meals with her as she sat in her ridiculous office chair at the kitchen table. I miss the woman who made me feel like, no matter what, I was truly part of her family.
When I married Richard, I did more than just change my name. I became a Sterk. God led me to a large, loud, loving family. And, at the heart of it all was Joanna. This family and the strength and faith they have displayed during this incredibly difficult time is her legacy. To raise seven children who actually like to be around each other and who can band together when the going gets rough is a testament to her as a mother. She was the epitome of the Proverbs 31 woman whose Godliness shone through everything she did no matter how menial the task. They say that men marry women like their mothers. I am both honored and intimidated by that idea considering the mother my husband had. And, while I wish she were still here to guide me in that journey, remembering her life has revealed one overarching, all-important aspect of her character: she loved Jesus. As I carry on without her, I set out even more determined to follow her example and raise a family strong in faith and to create a wholly holy home.
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