Embrace the Mess

I like a clean home. Okay, I more than like a clean home. I am obsessed with having a clean home. I cannot sit still if I see dirt on the floor or dishes on the counter or stray toys in the living room. I can't even go to bed at night without straightening up, lest I wake in the morning to a messy house.

The problem is, three children plus a very pregnant OCD mama is not the best combination for a peaceful home. I spend my days chasing after them with a broom in one hand and a toy box in the other. Heaven forbid my home should actually look like children live in it. I swore I would never be one of "those moms" whose homes show the wear and tear of child's play. I wanted the Pinterest house. We all know what I mean, too: the house with perfectly-organized toys in cute fabric bins, a bright playroom that encourages creativity but magically stays organized, a living room adorned with home-made decorations, and a kitchen that produces delicious meals yet remains unsoiled from the production of said meals.

I hate to admit it, but my home had become an idol in my life. Trying to maintain order and perfection was stealing the joy of my motherhood. I couldn't enjoy playing with my children because the thought of making a mess gave me an anxiety attack. I was more content to let them watch their favorite show on TV than to engage them in creative, messy play because I knew it would mean less work for me. Even worse, my anxiety about messes was rubbing off on my kids. They had become afraid to play because they didn't want to face the wrath of an overwhelmed mama.

I reached a breaking point a few weeks ago. Uncomfortably pregnant and totally exhausted, I was attempting to push through it to work on one of my "perfect home" projects: baking with my Amish friendship bread starter. But, I had these three little ones at my feet who wanted attention (imagine that!). I remember seeing a post in my MOPS group about making home-made play foam. Witch a deep, calming breath to prepare myself for the impending messy doom, I whipped up the foam, put it in tubs in the kitchen, and let the kids go to town while I finished baking.

Guess what? My house did not disintegrate beneath my feet from the foam that inevitably ended up all over the kitchen floor. The world did not come to a screeching halt because the Sterk home was *gasp* dirty. In fact, it was anything but dirty because the kids used the foam (made of dawn and food coloring) to clean the kitchen floor! They were more than happy to scrub tile and follow it up with a dip in the bathtub to wash off their multicolored skin. Everything that needed to get done got done--and then some.

That day, God challenged me to lower my expectations and to bash the idol of the perfect home. I am so glad I listened to Him, too, because doing so has made an unimaginable difference in my home. I am calmer, my kiddos are happier, and the whole atmosphere of our home has improved. Stress no longer reigns; it has been dethroned by fun, relaxation, and joy. Sure, I may have play-doh ground into my area rug, but I would rather have that than bored children who feel like a nuisance rather than a blessing.

Don't get me wrong. I think a relatively organized home is still important. Shoes and coats go in a bin by the door so we can find them as we herd our turtles out the door. Toys go back in designated bins at the end of the day so we don't misplace pieces (or step on them in the middle of the night!). Dishes get done, but sometimes a pile appears in the sink. Laundry--well, okay, laundry doesn't get done. I hate laundry and hide it in my bedroom. However, the cleaning is not a constant, all-day battle that ends with an exhausted mommy collapsing on the couch. We do enough to keep our sanity (read: to keep Mommy's sanity), and spend the rest of our time enjoying our family.

Not every day is perfect. Sometimes, I panic at the sight of a messy play room or a living room covered in snacktime crumbs. What can I say? I'm a work in progress. I'm actually writing this after a marathon cleaning session of the play room, but I'm chalking that craziness up to nesting. If you are sitting amidst a pile of laundry and toys after a day of play, fun, and the laughter of children, give yourself some grace, sweet mama. Let your children be children, and let your house be a home.

Playing with foam.

Let's get messy!

The Nap Necessity

When pregnant with my first baby, I cannot tell you how many times I heard the advice to sleep when the baby sleeps. For a go-go-go, overachiever person like myself, that suggestion went in one ear and out the other. When I finally got my little girl down for the elusive nap, I would rush around the house doing every chore I could find until she woke up.

My nap time neurosis only increased when I became a stay-at-home mom and added two more kiddos to the mix. I guard nap time like Scrooge guarded his wealth not only because I know my kids need naps (seriously....come to my house around 4pm when one or more hasn't napped...dun dun dunnn), but also because I used that time to fly around my house in near panic mode picking up toys, cleaning bathrooms, prepping dinners, and--of course--spending my obligatory time on Facebook. When I opened my cloth diaper business (insert shameless plug for Recycled Rumps here), I became even more driven at naptime because I needed that time to work on cutting fabric, sewing diapers, and then cleaning up from all of it before my little project destroyers awakened.

However, as I prayed over the changes God wanted me to make in this new year, I realized that something very important was missing from my day: rest. I never stopped! I was in productive mode from sun-up to sun-down, and doing so made me irritable, exhausted, and downright crabby by the end of the day. Wait a second...isn't that exactly how my children act when they don't get naps? My children needed rest during the day to function in the evening, so why didn't I? Especially in this season when my body is working in overtime in the third trimester of nurturing and growing our fourth little blessing, my body is crying out for rest.

Of course, starting this new discipline took some serious soul-searching. I had to let go of my idols of the perfect home, since giving myself time to rest would cut back on my cleaning time. I had to let go of my idol of achievement, knowing that a nap would put less "look what I did today" items on my list. I had to let go of the idol of screen time and come to grips with the fact that the world would not end with the cessation of my midday Facebook update. These are not idols I have easily cast aside, so I really had to open myself up to the awesome power of the Lord to help me in this endeavor.

The first day, I sat in bed next to my oldest with my mind reeling. My to-do list kept growing, and the minutes kept ticking by. After many prayers for peace and a couple of notes jotted in my bedside notebook (an essential to calm a woman's active mind, in my opinion), I finally dozed off for about 45 minutes. When nap time ended, we started the difficult task of our afternoon and evening routine--a time of day made more difficult by the fact that I face this time alone since my husband works second shift. But, when I got my last babe to bed that evening, I realized we endured the entire afternoon with no yelling, more playtime, and a nearly complete to-do list. I also had more energy to do some work for my diaper business after the house quieted down for the evening. IS it possible that the nap actually made me MORE productive?

I tried the experiment for a week, and the results were always the same: a happier mama with happier kids and a happier home. All the necessary chores still got done. Dinner still got made from scratch. More games were played. Bedtime went smoother because I had more patience. More diapers and other projects got completed. Yes, my daily nap has actually made our home a happier home! And, taking that nap has become increasingly easier for me. I get a few things done in the morning, then rest easy after lunch knowing that the world will not cave in because I took the time to rest.

So, I'm here to tell you, mamas: it is OKAY, and in fact NECESSARY to rest. You don't have to nap, but take an hour in your day to uplug, to unwind, and to simply be still. I know stillness is a difficult thing for a stay at home mom. Trust me, I KNOW. I'm not a still person by any means. But, I cannot argue with the incredibly positive results that this discipline has produced. No chore or task is more important than the serenity of our home.

Let's take this one step further...God Himself rested after CREATING THE UNIVERSE! Check out Genesis 2: 2-3: “And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.” Who are we to think that we don't need rest when the God of the Universe Himself needed rest? He set that example for a reason, mamas!

Taking the time to rest not only refreshes our bodies, but it also refreshes our souls. I know that when my body is weary, I am more prone to the sins of temper, anger, and self-pity. Perhaps this is why the Bible warns in Hebrews 4: 9-11, “Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience.” The Lord has called me to be a peaceful mother who is firm yet kind. I cannot do that if my body is weary. I just can't. I know this from experience, and I'm sure many of you do, too.

Mama, it is okay to relax. In fact, you NEED to relax. Rest your weary head and be the mama that the Lord has called you to be.

New Year, New Blog

As I reflected on the past year and prayed about this new year, one word came into sharp focus: home. About two years into this stay-at-home mom gig, and I'm finally starting to understand that, for now, this is my job, my calling, my passion, my God-given responsibility. The Lord has entrusted me with the care and keeping of this home.
"This home," by the way is more than just the physical house in which we live. Yes, cleaning and general house maintenance represent a part of the proverbial pie. Speaking of pie, nourishing the five (soon, six) bodies who roam this house destroying my cleaning efforts comes into play, as well. I also have a responsibility to keep those bodies healthy in everything from sleep schedules to sick care (or, preventative care) to exercise. But, most importantly, God has reminded me--well, more like shouted at me--that His Word must become a central focus of our home and that He must serve as the Captain of this ship.
Yikes. Reading over all of that sounds quite daunting, especially when I consider the minutia involved in making those changes to our home that will allow us to function more as God has required. For example, I know some serious changes are in store for our diets, as we have fallen into the "quick and easy" traps that have so easily ensnared nearly every house in the country. So, this year, we have decided to eat more raw, natural foods, and we are even going to attempt a gluten-free menu for the sake of both our physical (read: gut) heath and our mental health (since GF diets have proven to help the sensory processing issues that our son displays). This means a lot more work for mama, that's for sure! I need to budget, meal-plan, and shop differently than I ever have before, and just thinking about the task at hand makes me want to give up...almost...
You see, as I consider all the changes--er, improvements--we have committed to make, God whispers in my ear Galatians 6:9, where He promises, "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up" (ESV). From the big things like changing our diet, to the small things like reading a verse of Psalm 119 per day, I can and will persevere because God has promised me that these changes will make our lives better in this little home of ours. Will all the changes be enjoyable? No. Will all the changes be easy? No. Will we fail on probably a daily basis? Uh, yes (I already have today, and it's January 2nd). But, that is the beautiful thing about serving a gracious God. He knows my heart and my intentions, so as long as I do not give up, He will not give up on me.
My prayer with this blog is multifaceted. First, I hope that it keeps me accountable and motivated to do what God has called me to do as a home-maker. Second, I hope that it provides for me that outlet I need to either weep when things get tough, or to praise when things go well. Third, I hope this can serve as an inspiration to all of you to never give up on God's calling for your lives--be it home-making, a corporate job, a missionary, or an elusive, cave-dwelling mountain man. Seek the Lord's heart, and your life will become grow abundantly more than you could ever imagine. Let's do this, folks! Here's to a blessed and inspired 2014.